I have been in a wilderness period of my life lately.I think we are always in the wilderness trying to discern the next best step in our faith, our families and for me the church I serve.Being in the wilderness is not always a bad thing.It is a time for me to reflect, to look at the things that maybe are not going well and examine what to do to bring fruit to the work I am doing.I find the wilderness to be humbling at times. A time when we realize that maybe the things we have been doing in the past aren't working and that we need to move over, through and past certain mountains in order to move forward.In this particular wilderness moment for me, I find myself resisting.Resisting the way in which the world says I should act as a mother, a wife, a preacher, a womanResisting the way I am being taught in certain classes and challenging the theology of people who possibly have never been challenged. Resisting what the UMC voted to changed in Jan. 2020 and trying to find a way over that mountain and storm that is coming.I am resisting; and instead of it being a time of confusion and worry; I love itI am challenging myself in ways that I never have before, standing up to people I never thought I could because I feel the fire of women like Shiprah and Puah in me.Do you know these women?It is a story in

There is this tree in a church that at first glance is quite beautiful.It's fake and is on one of the main walls. It has bright colors on it; all the perfect colors of fall and the leaves and hands that are on the tree have names on it.It's stewardship month for most churches- the time of year that a lot of Pastors (myself included) dread because it is the time that we have to talk about money. It takes money to run a church, yes I know this, but talking about money is uncomfortable and while it is a part of my job it can send people into a deep pit of shame.This particular tree is for anyone that increased their giving or began pledging for the first time. I couldn't quite figure out what about it bothered me until yesterday.As I looked at the tree, I felt shame in the pit of my stomach. The thoughts went through my mind "if I attended here would my name be up there?" "would my family be able to increase our pledge?"And the truth is, not likely. Living the life we live right now is hard financially and not because we live extravagantly. Cost of living is up, prices of houses have risen, daycare fees, school fees, etc.. it all adds up. Some people are struggling to pay medical bills, dealing with the loss of a job or a spouse that provided more income- it is all hard and it is the