Why do we celebrate the coming of Christ? How do we find hope and peace and joy and love in a world that is tearing itself apart? How do we experience the miracle of the tiny babe born by Mary?

Growing up and in my early adult years, I always struggled with feeling as though I didn't quite belong. I wanted people to like me, I wanted to feel included, I wanted the affirmations that I was enough. Many of us go through that in our lives. We care what people think about us more than we care about ourselves. We care about making others happy instead of making ourselves happy.I don't know exactly when I realized this was no way to live but at some point in the past 5 years, since my dad passed and I went into ministry I realized that I had to love myself a little bit more.By loving myself, I no longer cared and worried about making others happy and ensuring that I "belonged"In recent months, I have become even more aware of this.Two months ago, I quit taking anxiety medication that I had taken since my dad passed and it is as though something inside of me woke upA fire inside of me that was missing for so long and wanted to come out and it certainly has.I not only have to come to the conclusion that in order for me to truly care for others, I must love myself but also that if people do not care for me or to be around me

I have been in a wilderness period of my life lately.I think we are always in the wilderness trying to discern the next best step in our faith, our families and for me the church I serve.Being in the wilderness is not always a bad thing.It is a time for me to reflect, to look at the things that maybe are not going well and examine what to do to bring fruit to the work I am doing.I find the wilderness to be humbling at times. A time when we realize that maybe the things we have been doing in the past aren't working and that we need to move over, through and past certain mountains in order to move forward.In this particular wilderness moment for me, I find myself resisting.Resisting the way in which the world says I should act as a mother, a wife, a preacher, a womanResisting the way I am being taught in certain classes and challenging the theology of people who possibly have never been challenged. Resisting what the UMC voted to changed in Jan. 2020 and trying to find a way over that mountain and storm that is coming.I am resisting; and instead of it being a time of confusion and worry; I love itI am challenging myself in ways that I never have before, standing up to people I never thought I could because I feel the fire of women like Shiprah and Puah in me.Do you know these women?It is a story in

There is this tree in a church that at first glance is quite beautiful.It's fake and is on one of the main walls. It has bright colors on it; all the perfect colors of fall and the leaves and hands that are on the tree have names on it.It's stewardship month for most churches- the time of year that a lot of Pastors (myself included) dread because it is the time that we have to talk about money. It takes money to run a church, yes I know this, but talking about money is uncomfortable and while it is a part of my job it can send people into a deep pit of shame.This particular tree is for anyone that increased their giving or began pledging for the first time. I couldn't quite figure out what about it bothered me until yesterday.As I looked at the tree, I felt shame in the pit of my stomach. The thoughts went through my mind "if I attended here would my name be up there?" "would my family be able to increase our pledge?"And the truth is, not likely. Living the life we live right now is hard financially and not because we live extravagantly. Cost of living is up, prices of houses have risen, daycare fees, school fees, etc.. it all adds up. Some people are struggling to pay medical bills, dealing with the loss of a job or a spouse that provided more income- it is all hard and it is the

May is always a busy time of year. From graduations to weddings to end of the school events. Did you know that there are about 10,000 things to do at the end of the year in preschool? No? I didn't either. Apparently there is about every opportunity to be involved and to make yourself feel like a bad parent for missing things and/or not being able to attend things. Now, let's be clear. I know I am a good mom. In fact, I know I am a great mom. My kids are fed, dressed, usually clean and have a loving home. Yet, society puts all this pressure on us to be "perfect" in an imperfect world. Who has time for the Kansas kindest citian event, the field trip, field day, art show, talent show

In public and at school we all have the "perfect" children. We strive to make sure they have the perfect clothes, the perfect lunch and that we are the perfect parents. When our children throw a fit in the middle of Target we give them our phone or just buy the toy they want to avoid the looks from others. When our child is acting like a child during an important moment, we threaten to take away their new favorite toy or ELSE. When in reality none of us have the perfect children. None of us have it all together and we do all these things for what? We do them for ourselves because we live in a world where we are terrified of what people think about us, that people will judge us and that we will never be good enough. Well, as my dear friend Tiffany Baker has often put it, the jig is up and when we all just accept that we are all human and we are all imperfect, the world would become a lot more perfect. Yet, not everyone has had the luck of being in a mom's group with Tiffany leading that is so incredibly important it allows you to actually let go of these things and just go with the phrase "the kids are alright". My kids do not have the perfect clothes. Most days, Henry wears pants that have holes in them. I can't keep up with how rough he is on his clothes, so if they

If you have ever lost someone, there are phrases that are the worst to hear. Ones that make your skin crawl, that make you want to jump up and down and scream that they are wrong, that make you cry and cry and anger you even further. If you are wondering if you are at fault for saying some of these